The Calm before the Storm

Fear the attack of four headed Pre-expansion Slumpiness Monster, it has tentacles and lots of pointy teeth. Yes, this is last week’s Blog Azeroth shared topic which I failed to post in time (also my anti virus has broken my linking temporarily). Summer with football, work and sunshine is getting in the way of my WoW time. It’s screenshot heavy because pictures say more than words, not because sticking pictures up is easier than typing.

I’m attacking the doldrums in a couple of ways:

Firstly, exploring. We know that the Cataclysm is going to reshape the world as we know it. Therefore I want to make sure I’ve see everything there is as it currently stands. Not just completing the Explorer achievement, because I still haven’t finished that but going off the beaten track as well. As part of this, I’m also revisiting all the old instances, especially old favourites like Stratholme, Scholomance and Dire Maul.

Nest and her orphan planning an attack on Sun Rock Retreat

I only just realised that this path skirts the whole of the town and lets little Alliance take a short cut to the Charred Vale without having to run through town.

Secondly, achievements. When presented with a list, I have this instinctive need to tick off all it’s components. Therefore I’m working through all the achievements I have yet to complete.

I really thought this guy didn’t exist. I’ve run Razorfen Kraul so many times on so many alt hunters and I’ve never seen him. Then there I was ticking the place off for my Priest’s Classic Dungeonmaster… and what do I spot but the Blind Hunter. Unfortunately the Nightstalker bow he drops isn’t much use for her.

Then there is PvP. Unlike raid instances and five mans, battlegrounding never gets boring. It might be frustrating, annoying and the res timer is always at 30 seconds but it’s never dull. Each new group of people you play with will do different things. In one Arathi Basin you might have a massive fight at the farm, in the next some random guy might be quoting Shakespeare whilst sitting on the stables roof. Whether you win or lose, each game is unique.

Joining /worlddefense is also good for keeping your PvP hand in. No the skeleton is not mine, it’s that of a very bad (in both senses of the word) rogue who didn’t realise that killing innocent little levellers is a very naughty thing to do.

Finally my last method for dealing with WoW ennui is to find the fun, quirky and often downright odd things to do in-game. Whether it’s jumping off the Twin Colossals or white water rafting in Grizzly Hills, there are lots of weird things to play around with. Can we 2 person that boss or this one, what happens if you climb up this mountain or how far can you kite Gamon? From challenges set by other bloggers to the random ideas you get at 4 am after several bottles of beer, the list of things to play around with are endless.

Getting stuck in weird and interesting places is always good too. This is the inside of the top of the Horde base on the Isle of Conquest. The moral here, watch where you leap.

The Devil is in the Details

The level of detail across the game is amazing and full of surprises. Every time I think I’ve seen everything, I keep finding little gems hidden in corners.

Take for example Tinky Wickwhistle. She’s a typical gnome, curious and fond of blowing stuff up. When you first encounter her (as Alliance) those traits have got her into trouble. She’s caged inside Talramas in the Borean Tundra, having been caught exploring. Now being an engineer she has a plan which can’t possibly fail. It requires you to collect a few basic items, but nothing too taxing.

Caged Tinky being questioned by Mr Chilly

On your return, covered in ghoul goo and who knows what else having slaughtered half an Necropolis, you discover that like most engineering plans, this one backfired. Tinky is still in the cage, but she feels lighter….

Lighter by an evil twin. Eeek. At this point the quest involving Tinky ends here. She sends you off to tell her friends that she’s ok and in the meantime starts working on yet another escape plan. The first time I encountered her, I wondered where that evil twin ended up, but by the time I left the boring Borean Tundra, I admit I had forgotten that little gnome stuck in a cage.

Fast forward several levels and my adventures took me to Icecrown. Working on eliminating the competition for the Leaper, who did I spot but Tinky Wickwhistle the evil twin.

Evil Tinky, now with a much higher gearscore!!!

Like us, she had levelled to 80 and obviously run Naxxramas a few times for some armour upgrades. With her battlecry of “Grrrr! I’ll kneecap ya!”, she has at least one thing in common with her “non-evil” twin, a love of engineering. Rather than let you defeat her in a fair fight, Tinky takes a flying leap off the mountain and parachutes off.

Not only that, she remembers you if you’ve completed the quest. I love the fact that someone actually went to the effort of including the evil Tinky in-game and didn’t just leave her as a footnote in a quest chain.

Distracted in Desolace

I wonder if I’m alone in this, but I love Desolace.

There, I’ve admitted it. It’s out in the open now and can’t be taken back. I think Desolace is beautiful.

Ignore the “desolace” and focus on the “solace”, which according to the dictionary means:

1. Comfort in sorrow, misfortune, or distress; consolation.
2. A source of comfort or consolation.

Then close your eyes for a moment and follow me.

Nijel's Point on a rainy day

Nijel’s Point is open, green and expansive. The Inn overlooks the rest of the town, providing a relaxing spot for tea-break.

From green spaces we move into an almost lunar landscape. Dust and dead trees form the bulk of Desolace’s heartland, but these places have their own other worldly beauty. Besides they function as a windbreak between the traditional prettiness of Nijel’s Point and the coastline. Night Elf architects really had strange taste in towers though, wonder if they were compensating for something.

The tower of Ethel Rethor seen from the ocean. Desolace’s coastline is fertile looking country, trees are abundant here and green.

The giant mushrooms of Shadowbreak Ravine

According to WoWhead, this zone was originally intended for the then lv40, now lv 20 warlock mount quest which was never implemented. The demon horses and their current owners still wait hidden away in this deserted corner. Given that there are captured stallions sharing stable room with demonic horses, I wonder if the paladin charger of the same level was intended to be obtained here too. Perhaps warlocks would have got a quest to steal a felsteed and paladins would have received one to rescue a stallion.

Then there is Shadowprey  Village, one of my favourite Horde towns. Sea front, a good long dock for fishing on, quiet location… what more could a troll ask for?

I’m actually a bit worried that come Cataclysm, Desolace will lose some of it’s charm. At the moment, it’s dusty dead centre littered with bleached bones provides contrast to the greener grassier parts. If the centre looks just like rest of the zone,  it might just be another Feralas.

Finally, Desolace has one of the more dubious and disturbing quest rewards on offer.

Instead of letting you keep someone else’s body part, clothing or other personal possessions you may have collected whilst killing them, this quest giver is offering you their own finger.

Off the Beaten Track

The Explorer achievement really annoys me.

I realise how stupid that sounds but how on earth can riding around checking off a list of places possibly be exploring. It’s in the realm of organised tours and guidebooks clutched to chests. Go to Brill, look around briefly or at least until it pings explored, go to Stonetalon Peak, go here, go there. You may end up with a shiny title but you run the risk of missing some of Azeroth’s best spots.

Why aren’t the Dwarven farms on the coast of Arathi on the list? It’s one of the most peaceful spots in-game for a picnic, probably because most people don’t know they are there. What about the Shady Nook (ok, it’s not the most exciting place but it has a great name) or  what about watching love blossom in Ashenvale. Hidden away in the hills, a Night Elf family and their guests interact.

First, Elenna and her pet tallstrider return from their walk. Then the conversations shown above take place. Finally, Becanna heads out to fetch the herbs, shifting into a cat form to do so. She goes so far, picks a herb and then returns planting them in their cottage garden.

At the moment, this serves no purpose. They offer no quests and only one of them, Aleanna can be interacted with. I really hope come Cataclysm that they receive some sort of promotion, even if it’s a breadcrumb type quest, i.e. go to and see Becanna Edune for a herb you need for something else.

A family portrait

Besides, the warlock sister has to be up to no good. She says nothing at all, just sits there with her imp watching the action unfold. Definitely a bad egg. It seems wasteful that someone went to all the trouble of adding them into the game but hid them away in a back corner. So take the road less travelled, head out towards the Shrine of Aessina and visit the Edune family today.

Eleventh Hour – Dirty dealings in Durotar

This is my response to Disciplinary Action’s Eleventh Hour challenge.

“Summer is coming and where better than to spend it but in Durotar!“. The Undead Priest glanced up from the pile of papers in front of her, sometimes she loved her job. An all expenses paid trip to show some Bloodelves around Durotar… this was far better than actually being on the front line smiting people. Her eyes skimmed the rest of the material, cheesy and no doubt blatant lies in most cases but who was she to criticise. At this rate, her dream of retiring to the glades of her youth were becoming increasingly real. She could almost see it; a little cottage near Brill, with cabbage roses around the door.

“Acres of pristine red sand, water front properties are “dirt” cheap and the locals are exceedingly friendly“. Glancing up at the Orc guard standing a little way off she snorted, “Friendly“.. that’s a unique way of saying distrusting and bordering on xenophobic. The guard returned her stare with a scowl. Got to love the Goblins, pretty much everything that came out of their little green mouths was a lie, albeit couched in so much small print and roses it was hard to spot the manure.

“Take a moment to close your eyes, imagine if you will waking up to the sound of waves lapping gently* against the shore. The sun is already filtering in through the windows of your state of the art Trollish home and all is peaceful. Get dressed and head outside, catch some fresh crabs or fish and then roast them on the barbecue for breakfast. Compare that with your current humdrum life, spending all day getting hot and dirty killing monsters for peanuts.

Leave the Dalaran rat race today and invest for your future in Durotar. All price ranges are catered for.“

Sure, all price ranges are catered for but you can guarantee you’re playing ten times what it’s actually worth. Ah well, who was she to stand in the way of anyone else’s dream. After all, she had escaped the rat race herself. Glancing at the shadows, she wondered where her new clients were. They were late and Razorhill was hardly difficult to find.. ordering another drink she toyed with the idea of going to look for them. After all it wasn’t good for business if she lost customers, selling to harpy food was exceedingly difficult even with the help of a Necromancer. People tended to lose their romantic notions after being eaten alive.  Deciding to give them 5 more minutes, she lent back in her chair and continuing flicking through the paperwork.

Finishing her drink, she quickly ran through the plan in her head. The tour was fairly basic in nature, a quick look around Razorhill itself. Making sure to point out it’s more attractive features, the abundant cacti for example. Distract them with a taste of the famous Razorhill Bitter Cactus Cider and then it’s off to Sen’jin Village. Emphasis the relaxed and happy lifestyle, let them watch the Witchdoctor for a while… tourists always love local colour. From the Village a swift boat ride to the Echo Isles, ply them with coconut liqueur, show them the beautiful sunsets, the statuary and let them feel the history. Pick up a painted coconut as a souvenir, most people love the ones painted to look like Zalazane and get them back to Orgrimmar before they sober up.

Just look at the Sunset

“If your years of adventuring have left you loaded, perhaps you want to look at the jewel in the Durotar crown… the Echo Isles. The coconut capital of Azeroth is inhabited by some very friendly trolls and has perhaps the most stable local government in existence. Zalazane has been running things for ages and everything points to him still being in charge twenty years from now**. The sunsets here are second to none and you’re as close to nature as you can get without moving to the Jungle. Watch tigers prowl on your lawn whilst you eat breakfast and then go and shoot one for dinner. Artisan markets cover all your decorating needs, everything from beautiful jade statues to huge carved heads for the garden and sacrificial altars which make amazing tables can be found cheaply here. The Echo Isles truly are a slice of paradise.

Buy our Echo Isles package today!“

Smiling to herself, she stood to welcome the couple. A fine smattering of red gold dust already covered their clothing but both had that silly happy look most of her clients did. The look of people buying a dream. “Sit down, sit down. Before we start perhaps a drink and a glance through the brochures yes?” As usual, the couple almost bewitched fell into the chairs and started flipping through the glossy pages in awe. Sipping her drink, she glanced up to see what page the Elves had come to rest on. Ah Tiragarde keep, one of the best sellers.

If you want something a little different, we at the Goblin Property and Solicitors Service can oblige. Perhaps you would like to restore a ruined Keep? If so, step right this way and take a look at Tiragarde.

Of course the trick with places like Tiragarde was to avoid mentioning the army still in residence. Oh and mentioning the gallows tended to be a no no too. Although it was where quite a few of her more recent customers had ended up. Shame you can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.

Oh flicking again, that’s usually a good sign. Going back to the Echo Isles double page spread. People just can’t resist the idea of buying into another culture’s heritage.. strange but rewarding. Time to start her closing speech, the one about how we could go and look at the properties but that will take time and as the goblins say “Time is money”. After all, these homes are exceedingly desirable and only rarely come onto the market.

Putress was so wrong. You don’t need plagues and elaborate plans of betrayal to wreck havoc on the living… all you need was a few enterprising Goblins and some brightly coloured glossy brochures. Sighing with pleasure, she watched the Bloodelf couple happily sign on the dotted line. From the second she laid eyes on them, she had known they would go for the deluxe waterfront properties on the Echo Isles..  their type always did. Shame those deluxe properties amounted to little more than a few huts but these Bloodelves never seemed to learn. How many years would they need to be part of the Horde to understand that “Stay away from the Voodoo” wasn’t just the Trolls way of making polite conversation but a very real warning. Ah well, a few nights on the Echo Isles and these two would understand fast enough.

*Gently means different things to different cultures. In the obscure dialect used on the Durotar coastline it actually encompasses everything from tiny waves to huge 30 foot tall ones. Isn’t language a fascinating thing.

**Obviously we can’t guarantee that governments will remain stable or that crazed dragons won’t just sink your entire property but thats something you will have to take up with which ever God or Gods you believe in. Who knows in six months time those Trolls might decide its time for some regime change but if they do, we sold you this in good faith and it’s not our fault.

Tears of a Dragon

I’ve always liked Wintergrasp even when battles aren’t in progress. Ignoring its rich saronite, abundance of herbs and roaming ripe Hordelings for the picking, it really is a beautiful zone. Then I came across this:

The skeleton of a dragon wrapped around a tree.  Sure, the bleached bone contrasts well with the dark wood of the tree and it makes for a pretty screenshot but look closer.

Inside the bones of the big dragon lie those of a much smaller one. Perhaps she was pregnant or just trying to keep her young safe and warm when she died.

From this angle you can see the tiny claw of the baby dragon nestled in amongst the bigger dragon’s remains. There are two distinct skulls as well, one considerably smaller than the other.

That’s it. My dragonslaying boots are hung up. I’m not tracking any peaceful family orientated dragons back to their lair and slaughtering them. Never again. Well, not until Cataclysm anyway.

My Kingdom for a Celestial Steed

So there I am, running around Arathi Basin wishing I was elsewhere when I notice one of my teammates is calling me a retard. My first thought went something like “Oh my god, he some how knows I just swapped my barkskin and PvP trinket keybinds and have been failing with my usage for the last hour”. Common sense kicked in and I decided nope, it can’t possibly be that. The only person who knows that is the rogue who just comedically ganked me because I trinketed some minor stun meaning to barkskin.

Nope, he called me a retard because ……. I engaged in PvP in a battleground of all places. Obviously trying to get another node when you need at least another one to win is an act of stupidity these days? Sure it was a gamble and I wasn’t necessarily going to win but if you don’t try, what chance do you have? I find cowardice in a computer game so hard to understand.

Every time I think I can’t possibly be surprised anymore… someone manages it.

Also..

I can’t believe I haven’t seen her before. Aliens was one of my favourite movies when I was growing up and I had a girlie crush on Vasquez. I’m now going to live in Crusader’s Pinnacle.

Finally, I just can’t decide about the new Celestial Steed. Part of me, the bit that loved My Little Pony and everything that is glittery and shiny goes “I want, no I need”. The rest of me, the bits that had the crush on Vasquez goes “get a grip girlie.. its a malformed horse, its legs aren’t big enough and you hated the Algalon fight so why would you want to ride around on something that would keep reminding you of him”. Ignoring the internal battle, it seems at least half my server are currently riding around on one which is a bit of a turn off.

The other fairly major factor is which if any of my characters would actually ride around on him? Erinys is attached to her Ironbound Protodrake, after all she rescued him as an egg from Ulduar with the help of Brann Bronzebeard. His name is Spike (yes after the little dragon in the My Little Pony series). Briarrose and Tansy are quite happy being evil birds of prey. My Paladin likes her flying bug that she’s had for years. Working through a mental list of my characters none of their personalities really suit the visual looks of the steed. Which is why I haven’t bought one yet.

Edit: Why did Blizzard have to be so mean and remove the Innkeeper aspect of Vaskess. Now you can’t hearthstone there any more.

“You can’t take the sky away from me!”

I’ve been PvPing a lot on my druid recently and what with Call to Arms: Warsong Gulch coming up, I thought I’d finish up this quest chain for its reward (we might take flag running a little seriously yes). Although I haven’t managed to test it yet, because every paladin I’ve encountered so far doesn’t seem to have judgement of justice on their bars but that’s another story. This story isn’t about bad paladins, it’s about the Badlands which I hate almost as much as I hate paladins who can find judgement of justice.

So there I am, riding around the Badlands at 5am. The place is dead, not another soul in sight. Then the sun starts to rise over the mountains and suddenly..

I found serenity in the most unlikely place

The Badlands aren’t so bad after all. Sure the landscape is harsh and the quests still suck, but those trees are amazing.

Of course now I’ve discovered I like it, come Cataclysm it will be ripped into pieces and covered in ugly red lava but even then “[they] can’t take the sky from me”.

I may like “Firefly” yes.

Dustwallow March – Screenshot time

Dustwallow Marsh is one of my favourite places. Apart from having some of the most amazing sunsets and sunrises, it manages to mix being creepy with a brush of beauty. It’s one of those zones which can change completely as the sun goes down. Blue skies become tinged with pink and then dissolve into blazing scarlet before dulling down to midnight only to repeat the whole cycle again the next day.

If Blizzard ever get around to giving us player housing, I’d definitely have a summer house here hidden away in the marsh. I can imagine lazy days sat on the porch eating crocolisk gumbo and exciting nights hunting the crocolisks. Have to hope that come Cataclysm they don’t just drown the marshes under seven foot of water but instead allow the sun to keep those skies aflame.

The road looks almost welcoming bathed in the late evening sun, inviting the unwary to venture into the Marsh.

Red sky at night..

Later now, the last traces of the sun bleeds into the sky. The light is falling and soon Dustwallow will be dark.

See the pretty lights gleaming in the blackness but follow them at your peril. Will-o’-the-wisp never brought good fortune to anyone.

The sexiest species in game?

Over the last five years my characters must have slaughtered whole generations of centaurs but I’ve never really had a good look at them. Until now…..

A cross between the winged monkeys from “The Wizard of Oz” and Skeletor with hooves, these gorgeous creatures can be found camping out in the Barrens and the Thousand Needles with slightly more exotic cousins living in Desolace. I now feel slightly guilty about still having a couple of their rather rancid ears squished in my luggage.

From now on, I’m going to pay more attention to the local wildlife before I kill it.