Whilst helping clear up an infestation of the Cult of the Dammed in Dragonblight, I came across this helpful book.
Chapter 3 sounds particularly interesting. Imagine dying in Outlands and attempting to find a coffin to match your clown suit. Although given that the Necromancers all seem to wear minor variations on black, purple and black, I wouldn’t have thought finding a matching coffin would be at all hard for them. I can’t help wondering what sort of modern conveniences today’s scourge look for in their coffins though. A coffee machine perhaps for those early starts on cold winter mornings? A panic button in case you get nailed inside by angry villagers waving pitchforks and torches? A fluffy blanket to cuddle when the Lich King says nasty things to you? The possibilities are endless.
As for chapter 4, maybe those “frigid” necromancers would be a little less frigid if they read that particular section. Does romance with the Undead add a whole new meaning to jawdropping? Besides how can you tell if a walking corpse loves you so? I doubt very much that its in his kiss. This book should be crucial reading for everyone. Wouldn’t you want to know if that Undead currently eating your face is coming on to you or just regressing into “braaaiiiiiiiiinnnnnnsssssss” zombiemode?
Who knows, the necromancer I “liberated” this copy from might have survived had he or she actually read the book. Failing that, they could have tried to hit me with it. I imagine it to be a very large and very heavy tome, the sort that if dropped on your toes turns them blue black and bruised in minutes.
Filed under: Random Musing |