A Crisis of Confidence

This is a bit of whine so feel free not to read.

So I’ve been level 100 for over a week now and already I’m questioning what next. My gear has an item level of 620 and I one shot the silver healing proving grounds so logically the next step would be dungeons. Yet I can’t bring myself to hit queue. This expansion I’ve run exactly one dungeon, Skyreach for the legendary ring chain. Despite people standing in fire, the tank either doing insane damage or most of the party doing lacklustre, not sure which and the fact that we had no issues what so ever, I hated every single second of it. I keep telling myself “tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll ask in guild if anyone wants to run dungeons” but as all procrastinators know, tomorrow never comes.

What frustrates me is the lack of understanding of how I came to this, we started playing WoW in early 2005. All through the original game I ran dungeons and raids without a care in the world, I could help Marshall Windsor escape with my eyes shut, I attuned most of my first raiding guild to Molten Core and don’t get me started on the UBRS runs… I often solo healed 15 man groups. We did silly things like 4 man LBRS with me healing and 3 dpsers all trying to out do each other.

The Burning Crusade, again we ran loads of dungeons. I even healed fellow healers through the Black Morass for the Karazhan attunement in the early days because they couldn’t do it. I raided without a thought.

Wrath the rot started to set in but I don’t know why. I still raided without issues but my confidence started to wane. I’d make Mr Harpy two man current heroics with me rather than ask three other people to come along. I’d avoid 5 mans like the plague unless specifically asked in guildchat or under the influence of alcohol.

Cataclysm, I took a break not long after the start and when we returned, I just played casually, focusing more on PvP than PvE. I didn’t run dungeons because I didn’t need to.

When MoP dawned I told myself it was going to be different. I did some leveling dungeons on various characters and we even ran some heroics in those first few weeks at 90. I joined a guild again despite having sworn off them for life and even attended a few raids where nothing horrible happened and we killed stuff but then the confidence monster caught up with me again and I withdrew completely.

So here we are again, everything is new and shiny and yet, I’m still standing at the back trying to find a reason to walk away. I’ve played Priests for almost 10 years now, I’m comfortable in my own ability and I’m happy to heal in PvP so why do I have a mental block about PvE… I wish I knew.

I’m pretty sure there are no easy answers and not wanting to take part in PvE is a fine choice if you’re making it because you have no interest in that sphere of the game, but being limited by yourself, well that is something else entirely. Right now, despite this being in my opinion the best expansion Blizzard have released, I’m closer to quitting now than I ever have been because I don’t see a path ahead.

I thought perhaps if I wrote this down, I could try and analyze why I feel the way I do, could perhaps find some understanding of why I allowed this to happen in the first place. We will just have to see whether that is the case or not.

5 Responses

  1. I hope you find your answers. I used to do group content back before LFD because by the time you’d assembled a group you could pretty much tell how it would go and people were less likely to get ugly like LFR groups. In my case I do this for fun and anything that’s not fun I just don’t do.

    I don’t know how things would have turned out if any of the guilds I’ve been in actually had anyone on at the same time as me. Well except for the one person occasionally taking a phony sick day.

  2. This happened to me in LFR when trying to tank. I don’t do well on my first attempt, no matter how much I prepare, so I was too nervous to even try for a while. Then I ignored the worry – a dose of not caring about if I caused a wi

  3. This happened to me in LFR when trying to tank. I don’t do well on my first attempt, no matter how much I prepare, so I was too nervous to even try for a while. Then I ignored the worry – a dose of not caring about if I caused a wipe helped – and had a lot more fun.

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